Once in a while, a research study comes along that you can really be grateful for, that has real relevance to your life. I was thrilled to read about such a study in the UK, called Biscuit Injury Threat Evaluation.
The study was initiated by the company that makes Rocky Chocolate Biscuits, a popular brand in the UK, when they became aware of the stunning number of biscuit-related injuries sustained by British citizens. But, as you well know, it ain’t just the Brits who’ve been wounded in cookie mishaps.
I mean, who hasn’t gotten poked in the eye by one, or scalded by dipping the thing in way-too-hot tea? These are the most commonly reported injuries, but I can also totally relate to the many victims who have fallen off their chairs while reaching for the little buggers. (In my case it was those damn Pepperidge Farm Bordeaux.)
People also report being wounded by flying biscuit fragments, cookie shrapnel if you will. I get that; I have used graham crackers in this manner as weapons against unruly siblings and have suffered abrasions when my brothers retaliated in kind.
There was even a report of a guy who got caught in wet cement after he stepped in it to retrieve a runaway cookie. I could see this happening to me, but it would have to be at least a Double Chocolate Milano. No way I’m ruining my Manolos for a Snackwell.
In the study, fifteen brands of cookie were examined to determine which was most lethal. Killer number one was the Custard Cream, followed closely by a Chocolate Biscuit Bar and the deceptively civilized sounding Rich Tea. Digestive and Oat biscuits ranked mid-range killer, while Nice Biscuits, of course, were deemed almost harmless.
It was quite selfless of the Rocky Company to conduct this study: they’re kindly giving the public a heads up about the hazards of cookie eating, even though they are in the business of selling #2 on the hit list. I, for one, am going to throw caution to the wind and purchase some of those scary Custard Creams, but not until I have 911 on my speed dial.