I’m feeling really out of step with the world. I read in Real Simple magazine (the January issue–the dentist was running late) the results of a survey of 2600 people. I was interested to read the top five wishes of women: 1. A spouse who makes more money.  2. Plastic surgery.  3. Telling her boss exactly how she feels.  4. More kids  5. Separate bathrooms.

As for number 1, swapping the current spouse for a richer one, I so do not want this. Finding a new spouse would be way too time-consuming and would involve going on dates to places like Hooters and besides, I like my spouse, although I hate the word ‘spouse’ which makes him sound rodent-like.

As for 2, I once saw a terrifying documentary of a facelift that totally put me off —way too much gore—plus it’s barbaric and anti-feminist and also I’d be afraid I’d end up looking like the pilot of a plane that’s going way too fast.

3 is irrelevant because I am my own boss and I tell myself exactly how I feel 24/7 which is sort of irritating but most likely I will not fire myself as jobs are hard to get these days.

And 4? Nope. Had ‘em, love ‘em, done.

5 is another story; on this one I’m finally in synch with the masses of women surveyed. I believe that it’s in the best interest of romantic partners to avoid seeing each other doing things involving floss, shower caps, bandages, ointment, razors and…all that other stuff. The bathroom should be like Vegas: what happens in there, stays in there, out of a spouse’s line of vision. The best way to achieve that is with a His/Hers setup.

But I’d give up the separate bathrooms in a heartbeat if someone would grant me my fondest wish, one that I’m surprised is not number 1 on  this list: I wish my spouse (there’s that word again) could cook.